Over the past year or so I seem to have aquired an increase in nightmares. They don't scare me per say, but they are disturbing in content and usually include a very violent, and often gory, death on my part, usually at the hands of a psycho-maniac type.

I wonder sometimes if this is a premonition that I will die a violent death.

That would be interesting I must admit; for usually in the dreams there is also someone I'm protecting, often putting myself directly into harm's way for in order that they might live, or get away in time.

I wish I were that couragious. I often feel anything but. I'm a very meek person, the slightest, and oddest things, can tople me completely, and I have to rebuild my confidence over from block one.

These days it's my mind that suffers the most. I seem to be unable to recall the past, more and more, and certain subjects that come up in conversation make me unwell and sick at heart, and I don't really know why.

And if I do know why, I have no way of explaining, nor anyone to explain why I feel so.

Something, sooner or later, is going to snap. Something always hurts, so much grates on my nerves too easily. Sooner or later, I'm going to step off the proverbial edge.

And I don't know what I'll find at the bottom.